Are you thinking about leaving an abusive partner? Or perhaps you have already left? Whichever stage you are at in your life right now, you are no doubt feeling overwhelmed and confused.
Try to visualize your current situation as a garden that has become out of control. In order for you to get it back into shape you will need to invest your time into weeding, cultivating and planting.
Weeding is hard work. The weeds take over the land, their roots are strong and overpowering and in time you are unable to see anything clearly as it all starts to camouflage. It’s also hard to recognise what the difference is between a weed and a plant because the weeds also flower. They appear beautiful at first, but soon grow unwanted and are not quite what they seemed.
Abusers are like weeds. Until you remove them you cannot cultivate new growth.
Imagine yourself as a gardener. You start to slowly remove the weeds one-by-one, this takes time, effort and strength. Whilst this is the most difficult part of the process, once you have managed to tackle the weeds with the deepest roots, you can start to slowly remove the smaller ones a little at a time.
Remember stopping for a well-deserved rest is critical for every gardener, so allowing yourself the time and space to do this properly in your own time is the only way you can move towards cultivating the land.
Cultivating is to prepare the soil in order to raise the crops. You must prepare the land for your new life and turn the soil of your old life upside down, so you can feel empowered again. As the gardener you have an opportunity to redesign your life on your own terms, without somebody else’s permission. This is the time to really re-build your self-reliance and evaluate your boundaries to make sure you don’t ever compromise them again.
Once the hard work of weeding and cultivating is final, you are ready to start planting.
Every person’s garden will be different, so you must take the time to plan and reflect on what’s important for the future garden before rushing into anything. Jumping into another relationship before reflecting on what you need and what’s important to you probably isn’t the best idea. Take the time you need. Consider writing about how your new life is going, how is the new garden looking? What are you doing now that your ex-partner never allowed? How does it feel not to walk on eggshells anymore?
Once you are back in the driving seat, the possibilities are endless!
