Divorce is one of life’s most challenging journeys, filled with emotional highs and lows, tough decisions, and, if you’re not careful, a hefty price tag at the end.
Feeling overwhelmed is entirely normal, but by avoiding common pitfalls, you can move through the process with more confidence and peace of mind.
Here are the top four divorce mistakes to avoid to protect your mental health and well-being.
1. Neglecting Yourself
Let’s start with the mistake I see most often—neglecting yourself.
As someone who has historically put everyone else first, I completely understand how easy it is to view self-care as a luxury. But let me be clear: self-care is not a luxury; it’s a necessity. We can’t pour from an empty cup, yet we convince ourselves that taking care of ourselves is either indulgent or not a priority.
Maybe you’ve told yourself:
“I don’t have time for that nonsense.”
“I’ll get around to it once this divorce is over.”
“Self-care is only for people with money.”
“I’ve got two kids under four, and now I’m a single parent—how can I think about self-care?”
‘’I need to put the kids first, then I’ll make time for me’’.
But here’s the thing: there’s no more critical time to focus on self-care than during a divorce.
Self-care doesn’t have to be expensive. Whether you take a walk, spend time with friends, or allow yourself to rest, these small acts of kindness will help you stay strong no matter what comes your way.
So, before you, the inner judge tells you there’s no time, or it’s not essential. Take five minutes, step back, take some deep breaths, and ask yourself ‘’what one thing can I do for myself today’’? You’ll be surprised how we can generate some ideas when we allow the mind to quieten itself.
2. Rushing In Like a Bull in a China Shop
No one starts a divorce hoping for a long, expensive, and emotionally draining process. We all want to get through it as quickly and painlessly as possible.
‘’Ah yes, I’d like the really long divorce process, please. The one which depletes all of my finances leaves me mentally broken and fearful of my future by the end of it’’.
‘’Of course, Sir, we have just the thing.’’
But rushing into the process without clear goals can lead to decisions you might regret later. Take a moment to pause, breathe, and understand what’s ahead.
Give yourself time to think about what you want from this divorce—and set goals.
Yes, it’s okay to have divorce goals. It might sound like I’m describing a project plan, but divorce is indeed a process—one that you need to be mentally and emotionally prepared for.
So before you hire a family lawyer your friend recommends (who may have had a vastly different situation than you), think about how you want this process to unfold.
Choose a lawyer who feels right for you, answers your questions, clearly explains the process, holds space for you, and, importantly, is transparent about the costs.
3. Not Knowing Your Finances
Getting lost in the emotional whirlwind of divorce is easy, but understanding your finances is crucial.
Knowing what you own, what you owe, and what you’ll need for the future gives you a sense of control and security.
Divorce isn’t just about dividing assets now; it’s about planning for the long term.
Consider what you’ll need for retirement, your children’s education, and how you’ll maintain your lifestyle. Planning helps ensure you don’t just “get by” in the moment. I’ve met many people who had to work overseas for years, leaving their families behind to “pay off their ex” and work long past retirement age.
That’s not the future you want.
Take the time to gather all your financial information and consider consulting a financial advisor who can help you make informed choices. It’s worth the investment. Being clear about your financial situation helps ensure you’re treated fairly and lays the groundwork for a stable future.
4. Letting Emotions Drive Decisions
I’m all for trusting your intuition—it’s your internal compass. But it’s equally important to engage your rational mind. Relying solely on emotions or hoping things will “fall into place” can be risky.
Divorce stirs up a mix of emotions—anger, sadness, fear, and sometimes even relief. Feeling all these things is okay, but don’t let them control your decisions.
Making decisions in the heat of the moment can lead to unintended consequences.
That’s why the age-old advice to “sleep on it” is so wise. Decisions made in haste, driven by emotion, may not serve you well in the long run. Instead, give yourself the space to process your feelings. When it’s time to make decisions, do so with a clear mind and a focus on what’s best for you now and in the future.
Final Thoughts
Take your time, stay informed about your finances, prioritise self-care, think about your future, and keep your emotions in check when making decisions. And tackle each of these one step at a time. If you could start with only one of these, which would it be?
You deserve to move forward in a way that honours your worth and sets the stage for a hopeful and fulfilling new chapter.
If you want to feel safe, strong and supported as you navigate this process, I invite you to a free 20-minute heart-to-heart call. I’ll answer your questions about working together and how I can guide you through this journey with grace and resilience.
In Light
Saria
