Twenty years ago, I fled a suffocating relationship, unaware that what I endured was abuse. Growing up witnessing my mother and sisters endure similar torment, I mistook it for normalcy. As a student juggling education and part-time work, college and the workplace became sanctuaries where I could briefly evade my perpetrator’s grasp.
My Story
After four years of abuse, I broke free from the relationship, but my ordeal didn’t end there. For over fifteen months, I grappled with relentless stalking by my perpetrator. Despite my pleas to the UK police, I felt my distress wasn’t taken seriously. Amid countless visits, a tangible solution remained elusive. I lived in constant fear, uncertain of his next move, always lurking outside my workplace.
At the time, I worked for a large hotel chain, and whilst there wasn’t a formal policy for supporting employees facing domestic abuse, my supervisor, former military personnel, took some proactive measures to ensure my safety. Despite his vigilance, when he wasn’t on duty, I would have to walk to my car after dark. Resorting to parking in different spots and altering my departure times became futile attempts to evade my perpetrator. He always found a way, lurking in parking lots or launching sudden attacks, wielding knives or a baseball bat. There was no end to his antics.
Paradoxically, the post-relationship phase felt more dangerous than the relationship itself. With my perpetrator, I could anticipate the abuse; outside, I lived in constant dread, unsure of when the next assault would strike. So when people ask the same old tiresome question of ‘’Why didn’t you leave?’’ this is one of many reasons. It felt safer to stay. According to the UK charity Refuge, it takes at least seven attempts before a woman can leave an abusive relationship. It isn’t as simple as packing a bag and walking out the door- a common myth, no matter how bad the situation is.
My workplace became a refuge, yet my colleagues never questioned the constant calls and my tormentor’s menacing presence at work. His unwarranted suspicions about my fidelity and his threats to tarnish my reputation left me emotionally drained, affecting my work and mental well-being.
I didn’t dare to seek further help from my employer, as I wasn’t confident they would believe me or know what to do. I also thought this was all my fault and they were not responsible for supporting me. Survivors of abuse are riddled with guilt and shame, and for me, bringing that into the workplace at the management level wasn’t an option. Ultimately, I moved to a different employer because that felt like the only option, as I was scared that if they found out what was going on, I would be terminated.
A survey conducted in the UK by the Employers Initiative on Domestic Abuse (EIDA) found that over 47% of those experiencing domestic abuse say their perpetrator turned up at their workplace or stalked them outside their place of work. This is why employers are uniquely positioned to address and reduce employee risk of harm from the perpetrator within the workplace setting.
Domestic abuse happens in the home, so why is it an employer’s business?
While domestic abuse occurs in the home, its effects often spill over into the workplace. According to the International Labour Organisation (ILO), domestic violence can severely and persistently impact workers’ safety, health, and well-being, diminishing their ability to stay at work and perform to their full potential. This leads to higher sick leave rates, presenteeism, and decreased participation in training and career advancement opportunities. The Employers’ Initiative on Domestic Abuse (EIDA) reports that one in fifty women will lose their jobs as a result of domestic abuse.
Here are three essential steps to foster a supportive work environment:
Step 1: Take Immediate Preventative Measures
Supporting employees doesn’t have to involve large expenditures. Simple measures can make a significant difference. Conducting a risk assessment to identify appropriate control measures is a good start. Examples include flexible working hours, providing temporary financial assistance, connecting employees with local support services, and allowing time off to visit the courts or police. Many employees must use their vacation days for such needs, especially during divorce proceedings, resulting in never getting a respite. HR departments can also assist by removing the perpetrator as the next of kin on employee records or providing them with a new work telephone number.
Step 2: Provide awareness training
Offering domestic abuse training to employees can significantly improve their ability to recognize and identify signs of abuse, as well as guide individuals to appropriate support resources. Although dealing with domestic abuse situations can be daunting, simply directing employees to the right resources can be immensely beneficial. Employees do not expect their employer to solve their problems, but having access to support services can make a huge difference.
Moreover, training helps to challenge and dispel common misconceptions about domestic abuse, fostering a more empathetic and supportive workplace culture. Training reduces stigma by addressing these misconceptions and promotes a workplace environment where employees feel safe and supported.
Step 3: Create a Policy
For any policy to be effective, it must have the full support of the senior leadership team and be visible, accessible, and understood by everyone in the organisation. A policy should be a living document, actively used and referred to, not something that sits in a filing cabinet gathering dust. At a minimum, a domestic abuse policy should include:
- Definition of Abuse
- Roles and Responsibilities, Including Confidentiality Arrangements
- How to Recognize, Report, and Respond to Abuse
- How to Conduct Safety Planning for the Employee
- Internal and External Support Contacts
- Policy Review and Employee Training
I hope my story offers valuable lessons for businesses. Although some of my colleagues were aware of my situation, they felt unequipped to support me, leaving me feeling isolated—an experience shared by many abuse victims. Unfortunately, domestic abuse is far more prevalent than many realise. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), one in three women and one in seven men will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. Even if you think it seems irrelevant to your business, look closer. It’s a risk hidden in plain sight. By recognising and addressing it, companies can make a significant positive impact on the lives of their employees.
