You don’t divorce a dominator the same way you divorce a decent man.
If you play nice, you’ll lose.
If you show up unprepared, he’ll devour you.
And the cost? Your money, your children’s peace, your future.
What I’ve learned walking beside women in this battle: divorce is not just paperwork. It is a threshold crossing. It is the moment you choose to reclaim yourself.
Every mistake I’m about to share is not a mark of failure. It’s an invitation. Each one is a doorway into strategy, clarity, and ultimately, freedom.
Mistake 1: Believing He’ll Play Fair
I’ve watched so many women fall into this trap . Hoping that if they’re reasonable, he’ll be reasonable too. But dominators don’t deal in fairness. They thrive on delay, manipulation, and exhaustion.
I recently worked with a woman who told me that despite the emotional abuse and everything he had put her through over the years, he wouldn’t drag the kids through a messy divorce. ‘’He’s a good dad after all’.
But expectations like this almost always collide with reality. And when they do, the result is disappointment and often, devastation.
The moment you stop hoping for “fair,” you create space for something far more powerful: truth, strategy, and grounded strength.
Mistake 2: Hiring the Wrong Lawyer
I’ve sat with clients in tears because they trusted the wrong lawyer. They Googled the first name they found or leaned in on a friends recommendation.
And they paid a lot and got nowhere.
A lawyer who doesn’t understand coercive control will burn through your money and still lose the war. What I teach my clients is this: interview lawyers like your life depends on it. Ask about their experience with abuse cases. Notice how your body feels in the room. If you don’t feel seen, understood, and protected , they’re not your lawyer.
Mistake 3: Trying to “Co-Parent” With a Narcissist
I hear it often: “I just want him to do right by the kids.”
And I get it, I spent years hoping that my parents would be able to set their ego’s aside and just ‘’parent’’. But you can’t co-parent with a dominator.
Trying to co-parent with him is like trying to negotiate bedtime with a toddler holding matches. It’s chaos, and you’ll always get burned. That’s why I help women design parallel parenting boundaries , and plans that protect your children and give you back peace of mind.
Mistake 4: Going into Court Unprepared (Mentally)
Court is not just a legal process, it’s psychological warfare.
If he can rattle you, he wins. And if you walk in anxious, scattered, or emotional, you hand him the upper hand. They love to label women as ‘’crazy/too emotional’’, ‘’can you see what I have had to put up with ‘’? And they do a great job at convincing everybody else the problem lies with you. Remember, this is what they are master manipulators.
I’ll never forget one woman who told me her ex made a point of walking past her in the courthouse whispering under his breath. By the time her case was called, she was shaking so badly she could barely speak. The judge didn’t see the intimidation, only her fear.
That’s why I spend time with my clients preparing their inner world. We rehearse the triggers. We strengthen their mental fitness. So when they walk into court, in person or online they’re calm, clear, and untouchable.
Mistake 5: Going It Alone
Google/ChatGPT and girlfriends can’t replace a strategy.
Divorcing a dominator requires a team , legal, financial, and emotional. Without it, you risk years of regret. When I coach women privately, one of the first things we do is build their Breakup & Support Team:
- A lawyer who gets abuse dynamics
- A financial advisor who protects their assets
- Emotional support that keeps them steady when everything feels chaotic
These mistakes aren’t about intelligence. When we are suffering from chronic fear it can be incredibly difficult to do the most basic of things. They’re about being blindsided by tactics you’ve never been trained to see.
But the women who walks out safe, and free?
They have strategy. They have support. They have someone walking beside them who understands exactly how a dominator operates.
And that’s what I offer in my private coaching.
Your Next Step
If you’re divorcing a dominator, don’t stumble into the same 5 traps.
Book a 30-minute private clarity call with me today. https://calendly.com/sarialmoran/tlw-private-clarity-call
No fluff. No judgement. Just strategy that could save you years of regret.
In Light,
Saria
